The Man That Wanted To Be God

(The title is based on John Huston's masterpiece "The Man That Wanted To Be King"  - if you can, watch it. If you can't, because you are allergic to all filmography made before 2005... please, shove your fist up your arse and, once it is firmly logged up there, try to open that hand as much as possible; no reason in being an ass-hole by halves.) 

What have you thought, when you were kids, and they +explained you the concept of God?

Chances are, you didn't really think much.

Or anything at all... Most if not all of that stuff really makes no sense for a kid, but you were smart enough to know  that you couldn't say it out loud or your parents would get upset and tried to re-explain it to you, at which point you usually said "yes, I understood", or not - in which case, let's go for another roun

Of course, I was a bit dumber than you, so I continued saying that it made no sense  to me long time after the moment when I should have learned to shut the fuck up, and just fake it.

Only, it make sense - after all, using the Anthropic Principle and a multiverse with infinite combinations of physical laws, in regards to the chain of coincidences that has allowed to our spaces to exist till now is really not very different than postulating the existing of some superior entity that was interested in creating life.

I do not think that either theory is, really, falsifiable - so, either is an equally unscientific though, after all, somewhat reasonable hypothesis.

The one that you choose for you is a matter of tastes or - if you prefer - of faith (unless one day some actual prove of the existence of a multiverse will be obtained, in which case, the Principle becomes a scientific concept - the weak point of science is that, if new information contrast it, scientific theories may have to be fiscatded, or restricted to be useful approximations) though, to be honest, imagining a single entity (god) reeks a lot more of anthropocentrism than the Anthropic Principle does.

(After all, if the universe was completely different and molibdenum-based starfish aliens observed it, they still would come up with the same principle - "The universe seems designed for us, simply because it is the one that we are able to observe").

However, in my great youth and absolute lack of humbleness, my reason for the gigantic WTF that forever prevented me to attain religious peace, was this:

"Why him and not me?"

What makes "god" more worthy of respect than me? Because it created the universe? Really?

Why couldn't I do the same? At least, theoretically, potentially... if it is at all possible, some way must be there.

And if he created the universe, why did he such a shoddy work?

In general, why should I believe that God is and will always be better than me, even in the case that I became a real nice human being?

(instead of the pile of crap that I am now... but, when I was a kid, I was entitled to think that I could be able to grow up a gentle and generous person. In truth, I  derailed and imploded in full Hikikkomori only at 33, when I came to the conclusion that I could never get rid of and the internal prison my education had confined me in and, thus, life was useless anyway.) 

It must also be that my parents never managed to grasp the concept of positive reinforcement -  they never managed, really, to grasp most of what makes life, uh, life - and, as a result, their idea of God was really an ass-hole that spent his time crawling up everybody's arse, to keep people well in check, steady in their place.

That being the case, I may respect a policemen  - maybe... even the most democratic country has thought-police, and these I would gladly see all fired, or doing some real work like tracking embezzlement  - but sure as hell I do not love them, nor can I love the policeman-God of my parents.

But, mostly, my issue was "why him and not me?" - why should I accept a metaphisic entity that all but guarantees that no human can ever be the best. Do any of us have any need to be humiliated even more than what laical life already doles out, that they need yet another authority to bow to?

If it was actually possible for any cognizant entity to create life, why I had to bow to it.... And why could it not be me? After all, back in the day I thought I was as good as anybody else. Turns out, it is not really so...


Over time, I accepted my limitations   - as if I really could - I  am not going to be Dr Hell (from Mazinga Z)  or anything else but, I  also understood that there are some attainable ways to be a Minor God.

Creating works of narrative, that describe or hints to other worlds, with different social arrangements and values. Bibles of alternative realities, if one wants. So,I set forth, starting with the small things - world-building and short tales.

Unfortunately, I started with all the best intentions but, let's be honest - an author can't really be much less cruel than God.

Persons read, or look at drawings, to forget the shit in their existences, and eventually to feel better about their crappy, crappy, crappy lot in life.

The simplest way to do so, is to give one's characters even more crap, to shove one on each other, than the average reader has.

Which really leads to making the life of these characters at least as miserable as ours...

No matter who it is, god is bound to br an asshole.


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     With affect.

                  Noxon, the Lord of Nothingness