Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts

Friday, 29 July 2016

My Squad

My Squad

OK, this is my squad... or, to be more precise, the kind of squad that I'd like to have at my command.

I know, I know, it is not going to happen, ever.

And it is demeaning for women (why? no, really, why??? And I mean, exactly, WHY?) that I even go around pushing this kind of drawing.

OK; now, let's see... how many of you guys, would say no t having this kind of squad in you service?

Come one... your lady is not really looking, and there are plenty of other reasons you'd be worried, if she find this site in your browser history, like... you didn't tell her that you liked my kind of stuff, did you?

No, eh? She'd cut your balls off, on the durface value of the site itself, just because.

Just because you consigned her your balls to chop every fucking time she is displeased, you FUCKING DAMN MORON!

Nobody really forced you to do so - nobody forced you to marry/get engaged/room-sharing-with-benefits with a woman like that.

You did it... you were scared of being alone, scared of growing old and miserable, or you were really in love with her.

This doesn't change the fact that you have handed down your balls to her, and now you can't even admit that you'd like to have some four barely legal girls catering to your whims, even if every scientific plausible fact available points in the direction that your brain was built only to enjoy crave that.

All the rest, monogamy and the whole enormous shitload of CRAP that we call society, is there to keep you in line, so you can PAY THE BILLS OF YOUR MASTERS while they use YOUR MONEY to  FUCK THE GIRLS THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN TOUCH.

Oh, of course, not all your money, it's true... most of it goes to PAY THE BILLS of the WARDENS that keep you IMPRISONED IN YOUR SHITTY PLACE.

Yeah, tell me that I am wrong, that I oversimplify things and that the world does not really work like that.

You know, it would be more believable, if you could say it without crying..  

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Self Portrait


Me, Myself, in all my Domly Magnificence and Near Baldness

Not much more to write here, this was my last year's carnival costume.

It could be more awesome, if the material was true leather and if I was bright enough to design the mask to cover the top of my forehead and hide my soon-to-be power baldness.

It does make for some fun scene, though looking like Torquemada doesn't stir enthusiasm in Spain (the actual inspiration was some physician characters in Hayao Miyazaki's Nausicäa of The Valley of the Wind, but no need to point out the locals how geeky I really am).


 Even if looking like an inquisitor makes for some pretty good theatre in a BDSM session, that thing become too hot all too fast - more so in a room warm enough to keep a woman dressed only with leather collar and cuffs.

 I still reseeve the right to convert this into a character design, ans create DaBotz the torturer... master of the extreme consensual SM play.


Muahahahaha!



Thursday, 28 January 2016

Attagirl!

Attagirl!

Name: Linda Milian
Age:   18
Work: High -School Student, Store Clerk (part time)
Vocation: Pony-Girl



This is Linda Milian.

She is the image of what is good, and of what is wrong in our sport.

She has a very busy life, between the school (she lost a year due to a mismanaged family transfer in France, but she really enjoyed Notre Dame de Paris e L'Île St. Louis) and her job, but she really enjoys spend what she can of her free time here, at the Pony-Girls Ring in Kügel Canyon.

She dedicates herself to training, with admirable devotion, and is not devoid of actual talent. In fact, had her heart fallen for another sport, she would have a ticket to college thanks to an athletic scholarship.

But because she loves Pony-Girling, she is forced to work a very menial job, in order to accumulate the money to pay her tuition.

It is so, because she loves Pony-Girling - and because the current rules are, in our opinion, wrong.  

Her small frame, however very elegant, put her at a disadvantage when it comes to towing power, and more so in the initial acceleration phase, in which her 45 kg (100 lbs) can hardly compete against athletes with bigger build.

It is a shame, and a waste of what we think is real talent.

Which leads us to our proposal.

With the rise in the number of registered Pony-Girls, it is finally opening up the possibility for creating weight categories in the tournaments.

Linda, and others like her, would then be allowed to face other athletes with a similar build, in a fairer competition.

We realize that, traditionally, Pony-Girling has been considered part of the track and field sports, in which the concept of weight category has never been used.

We think it is about time to recognise the differences between this and other sports like Running or Jumping, in which the athletes must carry only their own weight.

At the same time, we admit that this is not the only possible solution to the issue.

The one proposed by our Canadian colleagues of the Calgary Pony Ring, namely equalizing the ratio Pony-Cart by adding a suitable  ballast to the cart of the heavier athletes (so that the ratio Pony-Girl weight / Cart and Rider gross weight is the same for everybody, and aligned to the less favoured Pony on the track) also promises to do away with the grossly unfair advantage that big framed Ponies have in the current state of affairs.

The Canadian solution would allow to keep the current organisational structure for the existing tournaments, with just minor additions, but we fear that some athletes may try to find ways to cheat at the time of the weigh-ins, if it will be chosen.


In our opinion, weight categories would greatly limit this undesired behaviours.

In the end, however, this is an aesthetic as well as political choice that the Federation, as a whole, must make, which is the reason why we decided, jointedly with the Calgary Pony Ring, to propose a motion to adopt either of the aforementioned rule changes.

We hope that the members of the committee will evaluate wisely, which of the two proposals will better serve the interests of Pony-Girling in the 22th Century.

Thanks for your time,
   have a nice day.





Paula Stockharden, 
chief athletic officer of the Kügel Canyon Pony-Girls Ring

- from the notes of the 35th reunion of the 
Reform Panel Subcommittee of the Pony-Girling Olimpic Federation
February the 12th, 2097 



This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Sunday, 17 January 2016

Bondage Chess


A typical "Bondage Chess" indoor play.

The quantity of piercing and weights at the prize's outer labia is characteristic of the "Baka Irregulars",
one of the - if not THE - first associations of "No-Limits Prize-Girls" to have appeared in Central Park.

NLPG are into the play for the thrill of being conquered, and usually allow much wider terms to their
temporary masters than most other submissive PG, such as this kind of extensive body modifications.

Submissive PG in generals, and NLPGs in particular, are thought to be the real "soul" of the game. 

"Bondage Chess" is an extension of the classic game of chess in which a person in bondage is connected through two cables to electrodes placed on the underside of two specific pieces, one per side, usually (at the start of the game, at least), the Queens.

When the Queens land on spots of different colours the "prize-girl" (traditionally the person in bondage is a young woman, sometimes also called the Queen-to-be) receives electrical discharges through the cables.

When a Queen is eliminated its role as electrode connector - its "cable" - is passed to any of the player's remaining pieces, though the bishops are usually avoided (the bishops never changing the colours of the case they reside on, they present a limit to the player's possibilities).

Voltages are inversely proportional to the "chessboard distance" from the centre of the board which adds an element into the calculations of the players.  

(Conventionally it is said that the blacks are "+" and whites "-" however the impulse generator inside the board actually uses alternate polarity impulses, to avoid electrolysis in the tissues of the "prize").

The game is won either "traditionally" - by checkmate or by forfeit of the adversary - either on the "prize-girl" passing out.

However the players do not know if he is the one who made the girl pass out or his adversary, the one who will win in this eventuality.

Traditionally this is selected by the arbiters of the match through the launch of a coin and stated in a signed affidavit - together with the prize's detailed rules of enslavement (if they have been established) - that is placed under the time counter, before the start of the game.

The information is shared with the "prizes" when in their rules of enslavement they have agreed to a period of 24/7 servitude of a length above one week.

The "prize-girl" with a slavery period at stake is authorized to suggest to the players what would be the "best" strategy - best being "the strategy that would likely lead her into the hands of the player that she fancies more".

In fact while they are not authorized to outright state who would be the winner on a pass-out the "prize-girls" are also not compelled to be truthful, in the hints that they may give to the players. If no arbiter is present the arbiter's role is usually taken by the "prize girl" herself.

This is of course not considered ideal - unless both the prize and the players are all in very good terms with each other (i.e. it almost only happens in informal games, between friends - the prizes are discouraged from faking their loss of consciousness, but it is known to happen - some players have also been known to have used the moment of confusion, when the prize passes out, to replace the original affidavit with one with more favourable terms).

By rule in case a play with no arbiters ends with a contested "pass-out" (the prize-girl doesn't recognize the affidavit as her own), the game is considered void.

Differently from traditional chess stalemates (and generally, draws) are not allowed. In case one such situation arise each player chooses one piece to sacrifice (or to rescue if each player has less than three pieces still on the board) and, again, a coin is tossed to decide which of the two will be eliminated-rescued.

Usually this is enough to unlock the situation but should the draw re-present itself other two times (the first, the dice is used again) the game is declared null.

The prize-girl is called this way because usually (not always) she is to be handed to the winner of the game. However they are honour (not legally) bound to abide only to the rules of enslavement that they themselves have signed and accepted that are to be detailed - as explained above - in the game's affidavit.

 It is not uncommon in great tournaments to have as "prize-girls" professional fetish models, that do not agreed to perform any other function. This "prize-models" are kept unaware of the chosen passing-out policy, to keep them from trying to bend the game for purely monetary reasons - their involvement being mostly a mercenary one.

Bondage Chess is a recent extension to the classic chess game and being younger than its source, some of its rules are still up to revision as of this writing.

For example it is being actively discussed whether keeping the actual "constant voltage" policy or if an "incremental" one would suit better the needs of the play.

With the current rules it is not uncommon to see players (mostly at low levels) that spend more energies devising how to torment - at length - "prize-girls" known to establish very restrictive terms in their affidavits, than to play against their adversaries.

An incremental voltage rule would reduce the number of times the queens may be moved (on different colour squares) before the prizes pass out, avoiding some pretty irritating "Queen's Runs" (when two players agreed to a dilation tactics, in which one queen "follows" the other, in order to applying time and again discharges to the "prize"), but it would also produce higher risks for the prizes' health.

 A vehement discussion is also ongoing whether to maintain the traditional "prize-girl" definition, given the fact that the category does include males, MtF and FtM transsexuals as well as women.

 The LGBT community has lobbied strongly for a neutral "prize-person", but it still has to win over the last remnants of the traditional, males-driven players community...




I love writing fake magazine's articles...
Spirito di Gianni Brera, proteggimi.

Wednesday, 23 December 2015


As it says on the card...

Merry Christmas, and happy 2016!

Monday, 14 December 2015

Is there a name...


... for a 'philia where someone wants to have intercourse with giant stuffed dolls?

Not yet, probably, but by the time the DSM-XV will be out, chances are there will be an entry into it.

Sunday, 6 December 2015

Aphorisms

Yes, that's me, up here.



I am really a SSC, Safe Sane and Consensual kind of guy.
- OK, I don't always play Safe.
- OK, I am not always Sane.
- OK, now, about that Consensual thing...

I never really get why "Adult Material" usually means "Stuff for over-fapping 15 years old with lots of acne".

I entered Tvtropes.org, once. I started reading, and stopped two days after.
They should place a label warning... I forgot, they did, it's how I started - by reading their aptly titled article: "Tvtropes.org will ruin your life".

 "I am bright enough to survive my own stupidity" - No, you weren't.

I love weapons, but I prefer them kept at a right distance from me - possibly, in another hemisphere.
If you knew me any well, you would agree that's the minimum safe distance between me and them.

Yes, she too was into SM, and she was gorgeous - Only, we both loved to spank women's asses, so we had a polarity mismatch.

"Yes, Ms. Teron... we would need some skin sample to clone - ehr, to scan your DNA for potentially dangerous genes."

A ghost is wandering through Europe? Again? - Fuck, can we have something that doesn't spawn a sequel this time, can we?

Computers aren't powerful enough to know how stupid they are -  it sounds awfully human.

The only ray of hope I see these days is that cannabis is going to be liberalized - "you don't use that stuff" - Yeah, and I have always wondered exactly how dumb I am.

"An excessive amount of life destroys one's spirit and tarnishes its hopes" - you finished the Prozac again.

What is the difference between prescription drugs and recreational drugs? - Social respectability.

I don't care if a woman is a whore, as long as she does her work well and with passion.

I hate to speed on modern car because you don't feel any risk. My car is 28 years old... and is already too modern.

My father got a speed ticket, once, going uphill with a Trabant - he placed it in a frame, on his desk, with the caption "The word impossible ain't in my book".

I got a ticket once, going downhill with a supermarket kart. The policeman placed it in a frame on his desk, with the caption "The day I finally knew why the fuck I do this job".

 As a sexual sadist I reckon that, to live in this society, I would be way better served by being a moral masochist.

 If my brother's car drinks twice as much gasoline as mine - even if they are the same size - and I know that his car produces a lot more PM8 - as all modern stratified charge engines do - why exactly should I believe that my car is way more polluting simply for being twenty years older?

It's a couple of years that I wake up in the morning crying - I must decide me to get the glasses' prescription changed.

Knowing that some day you are going to die is oddly tranquilizing - all this shit doesn't really matter.
But it still tastes bad.

None of these was really a joke.
 _DB

Friday, 9 October 2015

Aphorisms




Porn is like early 20th century science-fiction : too damn fucking optimist.

Porn is also like late 20th century sci-fi: all fiction and no knowledge.

Learning how to make any kind of sex solely from watching porn, is like learning to drive from watching the "Fast and Furious" series: a recipe for disaster.

However remote, the perspective of some future orgasm is the only reason for a human male to get out of his bed. When said perspective is lost, depression is just being rational.

If it was for men, humans would very much be like the Bonobos.
Washing away every stupid interpersonal problem, by literally  fucking each other till orgasm arrive, and we would living in unstructured bunches on trees.
Complex society was, is and always will be the province of females, no matter how much they feel it oppresses them.
Males have historically been  just the proxy soldiers of their female masters, and feminism is - mostly - just alpha females thinking that they can do without the bothersome alpha males.

[From the above derives that] Pick-up Artists are just idiots that decided that it was better to enslave themselves to the whole of bitchkind, instead of trying to find one of the somewhat rare women that aren't bitches. 
They are servants to their cocks' needs as anybody else.

Nothing has an inherent value... not gold, nor human rights, nor me nor you. This is the true tragedy of the human farce.

Shrinks have this curious habit of considering a personality trait an illness, if it goes against the expectation of a society for that individual.
Society changes, and so illnesses "fade away" (women's hysteria, homosexuality, BDSM) and others are "created" (ADHD). 
If one thinks at this, religions suddenly appear much more serious... most of them doesn't erase sins, not just because they can't make a buck from them any more, at least.

We can't live outside society, no matter how apparent its nature as a prison has become to us.

The difference between a bitch and a lady, is that the lady remembers your name and maybe the size and shape of your cock. 
A bitch will remember just her estimation of your wallet's depth, and how disappointed she was by reality.

Sex and orgasms apart, life has no inherent meaning nor joys to offer. It is funny, how every civilization seems to be built around making sex shameful, meaningless and confining it out of sight.

The right woman is certainly enough for a man. The wrong woman is enough for a nation.

If humans were really rational in their choices - like economists postulate they are, when they try to build their "science" - most jobs could be done by a '90s home computer. Firsts among these, the economist's own jobs.

The biggest problem of Karl Marx is that in the end he was an economist, thinking men make rational choices. But the masses he thought to be speaking for proved to be just as emotional, and short-sighted, as any other human group.

We are all free, within the limits of our constraints...
Of course, if you appear to be free too much and stand out from the mass, chances are you are going to be in trouble soon. Probably by having any outstanding appendix - usually, the head - chopped off.

"It's creepy when DaBotz writes about himself in the 3rd person" - wrote DaBotz.
Don't try to bend your mind around the recursive nature of this phrase. It could break.

I shagged some women that were younger than my car [it is 26 Y.O.]. They were a lot less reliable, too.

"Psichologists" are like "Masters" - 1 in 20 of them, merits getting the quote mark off. The rest of them... no.