Monday, 22 August 2016


She does not know why it is so, only that she likes what she likes.

But "like" is probably the wrong verb.

She needs what she needs, though it is a bit scary to admit it, because it makes manifest that she does not really have a choice.

Accident of genetics, of birth or long lost and removed trauma (although, a decade of Gulf's wars have pretty much taught us that PTSD does not work that way), something decided for her what she wants.

She realized, over time, that it is the same for most people -  they like what they like, because. Just because.

Then, some accept it, some reject it, some act, some wimp, some cry - because what they want is, really, a monstrosity and getting it would make them real monsters.

She is lucky... what she wants, only endanger herself, and this is already better than other possibilities, though she does not realize it - she just sees that life was simpler, when all she had to do was getting a man to shag her, mildly annoying as it was.

When she tries to imagine her future, she see herself in chains, in a dark place underground.

Dark, but warm and cosy, under the rule of a master that is both absolute, cruel and - secretly - benevolent.

Freedom from personal choices but for one - whether to be, or not, an owned property of that one, perfect person.

She thought it was going to be easy, reach through Internet and find that man - or maybe woman, she is not so sure - that could make her hir slave.

The internet is full choke of "masters", "doms" - a bit less of "dommes", but she is not really sure that she could "work" with a woman, she just had a small encounter with a woman that made her feel well, but could have been simply a case, an effect of that woman's potent personality.

Or, maybe, that only one was really a Female to Male transexual that still had to realize that, in hir self, he was a man.

The possibility had not been in Her thoughts back then, when they met. It took Her these last few months to discover that what she knew about human sexuality was but a drop of what is really out there. Probably, even what she knows now is still no more than a drop in a bigsea.

"The first sign that you are learning something, is when you realize how little do you know about it."

She had crossed the citation, tossed by one of the less douche of the wannabe masters that she met through the 'net.

The guy lived, literally, on the other side of the planet, in Tasmania... she wasn't ready, yet, to go so far, just for the shadow of a possible match. She still hoped to find someone nearer home, in her same continent at least. She is not so sure any more...

All the guys that she met in real life couldn't meet her needs, which go well beyond the "kinky sex" that they were all too eager to offer.

Sometimes, she thinks that she would be better back into the vanilla fold, or maybe buying an Hitachi.

Will I ever meet her? Probably not, but I wish her luck all the same.

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