Saturday, 20 August 2016

Late Adolescencies

It may happens that you recognize yourself in this. God knows that I do. Do not take it badly, please...

If you are among those that dare get their nose out of the internet, and into a a "Local BDSM Group", you may have noticed some strange dynamics at play.

On one side there may be persons in their 40s that shows all the signs of going through a late adolescence crisis, on the other there may be 20 years old that are planning to move away, in a more congenial area, to explore their kinky side without having to cave in to the pressures of their surrounding, the family, the.. whatsoever. That are, in all effect, acting more maturely than the forty years old.

In other words, the physical and social ages are all over the place.

In many ways, this is inevitable.

For one millennial that has grown with internet and started seeing odd stuff in her twelves, and by now has learned to filter out the crap and look for what she really likes, there is someone in her late 30s or early 40s that has finally been able to put a name to the reason why she has never had an orgasm since she has married - only because she stumbled in a BDSM site, perusing the internet history of her teen daughter..

In many ways, understanding one's own BDSM nature in later age is akin to a pretty terrifying second adolescence.

Many of the rules of the "vanilla game", that required their share of work to acquire, back in one's youth, doesn't really seem to work all that well now - like, mixing sex and alcohol.

In classic vanilla  life it was tolerated to mix the two (less and less, as time goes by), to the point that for some it was almost mandatory (as the only way they have to loosen up a bit their inhibitions),  in a BDSM context it is considered reckless imprudence, malpractice, and a big ethical NO-No.

The rules of engagement are also a little different (not so much, really... treat the girls nicely until she asks you otherwise, but be ready to spank her well if she wants/needs it), and sex is different.

In all, the late BDSM bloomer feels hirself as insecure as he was in his 15s but, to worsen things, hardly anybody around them is passing through something similar.

At least, adolescents goes through their crisis among groups of friends that share age and similar issues. 

Going through the same in one's 40s ... you go at it alone, and out of shape... after some fifteen years of marriage, for example, nobody really remembers how things were done before.

"Crazy" choices that could be made in one's 20s are also often beyond reach, in one's 40s... like, as mentioned before, steer one's life to accommodate a nice, happy, kinky inclination.

The girl in her 20s can go to Copenhagen for a better paid work and spending the week end afternoons in that city's Shibari dojo.

A mother of two daughters, in her 40s, can's do the same - not without upsetting the life of at least the daughters,  her parents (who are the grandfathers of the kids) and possibly the [ex] husband (OK, who cares about the guy?).

She can only see her 25 years old colleague going away, and sigh - because she knows that she would pretty much need to do the same, but also feels that she really can't.

Of course, BDSM groups can hardly afford the luxury of being segregated by age, so it is only natural that persons from all the age spectrum (above legal age) meet there.

Which can be jarring at time, for us old-timer in a late adolescence crisis... because it shows us all too well how fucked up we have been, and we still are.


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